i seriously need to rant.
basically slept the whole day, until 6 plus when i woke up and decided to spend some time with God. the past few days have really been a time of weeping for me. ok, mainly personal things between me and God. but today, i just felt so irritated with myself. i was just looking back throughout the whole year of 2008, like looking through prayer journals, and just reflecting over my life this year. and i dunno, i guess i feel that this year was started off really well. but somewhere along the line i just really lost it all. i cant believe even things like school and friendships could have come in between me and God. and i look at my life now, and though i do spend time with God and all, and i still attend church and cell, and though im still serving Him, something is just missing. or rather, i feel like theres just more that God has intended for me. im so sick of my life right now to be honest. im so sick of how im living. theres more, i know theres more. i want that more that God has intended for me. i feel & know that im not meeting the standard that i've been called to.
but thats all over now. i dont care, in 2009, im not letting go of God. He's the only one that matters to me. if i have to study less to spend more time with Him, so be it. if i have to give up certain friendships to move on with Christ, so be it. you know right now, i feel like im back at square one. like at the position where i just got saved, and my life is so complicated, and that God has called me to more? yea, thats how i feel.
in 2009, i wanna grow in God. i want so much more of Him. its going to be a new beginning for me. all the crap of 2008, its just time to move on. God, thank you for not forsaking me, even when i was unfaithful.
No comments:
Post a Comment